While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior. Henry C. Link
In therapeutic practice, the concept of transference is constantly revisited. This concept implies that we take the world (and people) around us and impose our own needs, fears, regrets, burdens and expectations onto it/them.
Transference is everywhere, because no man is an island, and everyone has expectations.
There are times when this can cause us to doubt ourselves. If someone is constantly telling us that we are at fault for causing them pain or discomfort, we can easily start to believe it. After all, if you tell a child they’re a genius all their life, they’ll believe it’s true. We are only capable of knowing things that we have experience of.
This is why therapists are encouraged to know themselves completely, good and bad.
It’s easy for someone to convince you that your behaviour caused catastrophe if you were unaware of what you were doing. It is also easy for the other person to fail to see their role in the situation, if you allow them to continue with blinkers to their own behaviour.
Too often we fail to see our own mistakes or vulnerabilities, instead seeing (or imposing) these same qualities on the rest of the world. Everyone makes mistakes, but no single person is responsible for all the mistakes of the world. Carrying such a burden can severely hinder an individuals self-esteem and ability to support another.
In a profession that is all about letting others understand the root of their pain and work through it, there will be many people who fear to speak the truth about themselves. Yet, we need to accept and understand ourselves if we are ever going to move forward into a brighter future. It’s never a bad thing to be humble and accept defeat or criticism, it’s bad to allow that to stop you from standing up again, taking ownership, letting go and moving on.
Life is an education, and the sooner we understand the core subject: ourselves; the sooner that education will be able to make a lasting difference.